My journey began in a world where silence spoke louder than words, under the watchful eyes of a father whose expectations shaped my every move. I wanted to be strong so I grew up striving to be the son he wanted, immersing myself in the roles and activities that defined traditional masculinity, yet always feeling a step out of sync with the world around me.
What made life tough is that Dad didn't communicate what he wanted. He just expected that I'd do things that would make him proud. So because of that I did everything to "be a man", played football, baseball, hunted, fished, wrestled, worked farm equipment, welded, ranched, rodeoed---all to try to fit in.
I don't regret any of these activities, in fact I enjoyed them, however it didn't fulfill find the deeper meaning I was looking for.
Life didn't ease up as I grew older. It threw curveballs in the form of a rocky marriage, the instability of losing jobs, and the gnawing pain of homelessness. It was like walking through a never-ending storm, where each bolt of lightning was a challenge to my mental and emotional stability, and each clap of thunder, a reminder of my ongoing battle with substance abuse.
It was in these moments of despair that Ta entered my life, shining a light on a path I'd never considered before – the world of electronic music. This was more than a hobby; it was a lifeline, a spark in the overwhelming darkness. But the real turning point came one Christmas Eve, when a book on yoga found its way into my hands. It wasn't just a book; it was an invitation to a journey of self-discovery.
I took to yoga with a hunger for something meaningful, something real. It became my oasis in a desert of chaos. Even as I grappled with health issues, a turbulent home life, and the relentless doubts that plagued my mind, yoga offered a glimpse of peace, a taste of what life could be.
My quest for deeper understanding led me to India, a land rich with ancient wisdom. Here, in the birthplace of yoga, I peeled back layers of my past, each revelation a step towards a greater truth. India wasn't just a place; it was a transformative experience, a crucible in which my old self was reshaped, reborn.
Returning home, I carried with me not just memories, but a mission. I'd walked through fire and come out stronger, and I knew there were others like me, men lost in their own battles, searching for a beacon in their darkness. My journey, with all its trials and tribulations, had prepared me to be that beacon, to guide others towards their own path of self-discovery and healing.
My story is more than a series of events; it's a testament to the power of transformation, a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is hope, there is a path forward. It's a journey not just of self-discovery, but of self-creation, a journey I continue to walk every day.